She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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