I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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