his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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