So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize