if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
