I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
