I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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