pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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