question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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