im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well I just put wine in my tea
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
