I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
