I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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