his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
