im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
