$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
