Operation Purity has been aborted
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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