just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
