His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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