my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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