Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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