He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
