I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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