i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
