I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
