I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
