What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
