I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
