i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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