You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
