I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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