I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
