I didn't shave. On purpose
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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