Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
