my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
