i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Drunk is not a location!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
