Me too!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
