I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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