I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
