I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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