Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
