i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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