i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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