I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
