You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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