Welp...herpes.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize