woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think I just shit out all my problems.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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