I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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