You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
