I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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