hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
