this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
