I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
