i was born a porn star she said
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
