never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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