saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
