I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
