He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I fill condoms, not promises.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
