i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
