tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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