I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
